Finding Our T-Spot

 

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Pushing the Frontiers of Research on Trans Lives, HIV and Holistic Wellbeing

An outline of the event hosted by cliniQ and SWIFT in November, I am incredibly grateful to have the chance to work with such vibrancy and emerging ideas. However tough things can seem the list of attendees is testament to the people doing outstanding work to create a fairer more equal society, that work goes on despite politicians. We are creating an artwork which celebrates this meeting as it’s important that we document our own history’s and gains. A huge thank you to the Paul Hamlyn Foundation and SWIFT for co funding this event with the support of Gilead’

Hosted by  – cliniQ and SWIFT

Funded by  – SWIFT and The Paul Hamlyn Foundation with support from Gilead

Organised by  – Juno Roche

Facilitator –  Razia Aziz,  The Equality Academy

Description

A roundtable event hosted by cliniQ and SWIFT which aims to address the lack of meaningful research on HIV and the Trans community from the perspective of specifically addressing sexual wellbeing and sexual healthcare.

Proposed areas of discussion and inquiry include:

  • What research exists and what research is needed on HIV prevalence among Trans people in the UK?
  • How can we ensure that the Trans community are involved meaningfully at all stages of any research? What do we need to know about the community to ensure that this happens? How can cliniQ assist here?
  • What does ‘safer sex practice’ in the context of Trans people’s bodies and lives mean? How can we empower trans people to understand ‘risk’ in relation to their own bodies, sexuality and sex lives?
  • How could any future research be used to address holistic sexual healthcare of Trans people at a policy level?

Aims

  • To make a key contribution to improving the holistic sexual healthcare of Trans people within the UK
  • To start to create a structural data plan which leads to creating a more solid understanding of the Trans community and HIV

Objectives

  • To create a visual artistic representation of the roundtable
  • To establish a list and a shared resource of and for those working in this area
  • To generate a set of meaningful research questions
  • To form a working group which can take forward ideas about how to address these questions

Programme

Arrival: Registration & refreshments

 Introductions & Scene Setting: Razia Aziz

 About SWIFT: Yvonne Gilleece

 Talking of Sex, Gender, Sexuality and HIV: a participatory exercise using quick fire questions as ice-breaker and thought provocation

 cliniQ: Presentation 1 ‘The History of the Service’

 Guide Questions & Syndicate groups: what does this history tell us about the barriers to holistic health care faced by Trans communities, and the gaps in data about that community?

 Lunch & Preview Showing of cliniQ Movie 

 Plenary: Drawing out themes from syndicate groups in order to understand the barriers and point to research needs.

 Kate Nambiar: Presentation 2 ‘What are the pressing needs in terms of data?’

 Shema Tariq: Presentation 3 ‘Developing a research question’

Break 

 World Café: key themes from the day

 Plenary: emergent research questions & what next

List of Attendees

  1. Aedan Wolton –  cliniQ
  2. Alana Avery – All About Trans (On Road Media)
  3. Alison Roger – SWIFT
  4. Alistair Hudson – FPA
  5. Cheryl Gower  – NAT
  6. Christos Daramilas – DeMontford University
  7. Deborah Gold – NAT
  8. Dr Vanessa Crawford – Consultant Psychiatrist CX GIC
  9. Ellis Morgan – cliniQ
  10. Gill Perkins – CEO Oasis HIV Charity
  11. Juno Roche – Patron cliniQ (Organiser)
  12. Kevin Fenton – PHE
  13. Lee Bonsai-Gale – Trans Activist
  14. Longret Kwardem – SWIFT
  15. Mags Portman – NHS
  16. Margaret Johnson – SWIFT
  17. Marta Boffito – Chelsea and Westminster Hospital
  18. Matthew Hibbert – PHE
  19. Michelle Ross – cliniQ
  20. Mitzy Gafos – PROUD Study
  21. Natika H Halil – CEO FPA
  22. Razia Aziz –  the Equality Academy (Facilitator)
  23. Rodger Pebody – NAM
  24. Rusi Jaspal, Prof – DeMonfort University
  25. Sebastian Cordoba -DeMontford University
  26. Serge Nicholson – cliniQ
  27. Sheena McCormack – PROUD Study
  28. Shema Tariq, Dr – SWIFT
  29. Simon Collins – ibase
  30. Sophie Strachan – Sophia Forum
  31. Steph Keeble – BLGBT.ORG
  32. Tara Suchak – cliniQ
  33. Valerie Delpech – Head of PHE  Surveillance  Centre HIV/Sexual Health
  34. Yvonne Gilleece -SWIFT
  35. Zahra Jamal – NAZ
  36. Martha Dunkley – cliniQ
  37. Ana Milinkovic – UCL
  38. Paula Evenden
  39. Margot Uden
  40. Kate Nambiar 

 

 

Sophia Forum Press Release

Court of Appeal rules that NHS England can legally fund PrEP: women must now have access

The Sophia Forum greatly welcomes the Court of Appeal’s ruling that NHS England can fund the implementation of PrEP, an effective HIV prevention tool that is not currently available through the NHS in England. It has though taken another three months of legal action to get to this point where the NHS will still take more time to make its decision on PrEP. The High Court and Court of Appeal rulings merely sets the legal precedent that NHS England does have the legal ability to fund PrEP to make it available to those who need it. During this wasted time in legal action many people who are in need of effective HIV prevention tools have been needlessly put at risk.

Sophia Forum is the only organisation in the UK that focuses solely on women living with and vulnerable to acquiring HIV. We have campaigned extensively to make PrEP available to all who need it in the UK, including women. Our statement calling for PrEP implementation to include women secured support from national and international organisations and networks:

The most recent data on HIV in the UK, published by Public Health England, showed 1540 women were diagnosed with HIV in 2014, 25% of all new diagnoses. An estimated 32,700 women were living with HIV in the UK in 2014, about 32% of the total.

PrEP has been shown to reduce HIV infections in people who are at risk of acquiring HIV and who take the responsible decision to protect themselves. It is a not a replacement for any other preventative measure but works alongside them to reduce infection rates and provide cost effective prevention.

NHS England has a duty of care to provide, where possible, preventative treatments that are proven to be effective. The Sophia Forum can see no reason why PrEP would not became part of the NHS remit and be provided to those in need, who are at risk.

Juno Roche, Sophia Forum Trustee and campaigner, said:

We know there are many women at risk from HIV for whom using a condom is just not enough, PrEP could allow these women a new layer of protection that they just don’t currently have. At present many of these women still do not know about PrEP – we need to get this out there so that we can help to empower women.

We urge NHS England to come to the right decision quickly.

The Sophia Forum Trustees.    www.sophiaforum.net     @SophiaForum    info@sophiaforum.net

What is PrEP?

Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) involves HIV negative people taking an antiretroviral drug to avoid getting HIV. Multiple studies around the world have shown PrEP to be highly effective in reducing the risk of contracting HIV.

About Sophia Forum

Sophia Forum promotes and advocates for the rights, health, welfare and dignity of women living with HIV through research, raising awareness and influencing policy. We do this through:

  • Developing and delivering our advocacy programme
  • Bringing together information and research on the issues affecting women living with HIV
  • Creating partnerships with organisations and individuals delivering services
  • Building relationships with policy makers

We make sure that women living with HIV are meaningfully involved in all our work.

 

Some thoughts

 

What to say, what to write. Emotional platitudes are swamping the internet and end up being one amorphous slug of pointlessness. We have to reflect and respond with more than fearful tears, that won’t cut it in this new world where a man who wants to grab pussy is now sitting in a room deemed to be the most powerful on the planet. Where a man rich beyond all comprehension (often riches made from the corrupt abuses of tax systems and business loopholes)  is seen as somehow different, as anti-establishment. It makes no logical sense so I understand the emotional outpouring but we have to scrutinise and understand this properly to combat it in some strategic way that builds structure. We also have to openly own the racism that inhabits so many silent places.

Where a man rich beyond all comprehension (often riches made from the corrupt abuses of tax systems and business loopholes)  is seen as somehow different, as anti-establishment.

I think those people (mainly on the left)who are currently laying this at the feet of Hillary are missing the point. This is a movement away from the left and the right. Bernie Sanders, like Corbyn here represents a well trodden path that isn’t likely to engage widely anymore than Hillary did or in fact the centre right did. This is a reactive, tele-visual age where increasingly bizarre statements – build walls, leave behind free trade, ship them out, ship them in, gain momentum with a people who haven’t effectively changed their view for the past fifty years.

For as long as I can remember Britain has been a racist country built upon lies and fears torn from  a diminishing  empire in which most people had an utterly shit time at the expense of a few.

Hearing celebrating Americans talk of going back to the good ol’days must fill so many with horror. Anyone not white for example for whom the good ol’days meant openly segregated systems and now mean prisons full of young black men. The good ol’days where LGBT people were beaten and locked up, where women had no bodily autonomy and where we were all expected to know our place and not fucking move. The good ol’days – Trump, Farage, Johnson, I despise your good ol’days.

Farage has talked about taking back control of our borders after our empire decimated whole swaths of this planet by violently desecrating and destroying borders. We invented migration.

Trump talks about building a wall to keep them Mexicans out whilst American contractors seek to drill on land sacred to the first peoples there, people treated with scorn by the people of America, the people gloating inside their virtual wall.

The good ol’days – Trump, Farage, Johnson, I despise your good ol’days.

Trump and Brexit succeeded because if you scratch the surface many people blame the problems of our countries on people who are not white. When people talk about the NHS or the schools or the state of the street just listen for longer than a couple of sentences when the polite talk falls away and the issue of colour, of otherness will rise up. They are having to print leaflets in 20 different languages, they say, it’s changed around here, they say, you never hear an English voice in the waiting room, they say. I remember signs up in pubs banning whole groups of people – NO IRISH, NO BLACKS, NO GYPSIES. But I also know that if we kid ourselves that attitudes changed when the signs came down we are not facing up to reality. People were forced into taking down signs and changing attitudes they didn’t give those up willingly.

Hillary didn’t lose because she was corrupt, Trump won because his racism spoke to a great big chunk of white America – educated and non educated, working  and middle class, rich and poor who were far happier when their neighbourhood was white and segregated.

Hillary didn’t lose because she represented the 1%, not when Trump is a billionaire several times over, no Hillary lost because she isn’t a racist.

It’s too easy for left commentators to blame her and try to corrupt-shame her when this is a victory for racism and nationalism which always has its roots in racism and xenophobia.

The left stand to utterly lose out in this new world order if they don’t realise that the old ways are over for them as well as the traditional right. We need to come together as the groups that are marginalised rather than as a political faction of the well meaning left, it won’t work now. Somehow there are many people feeling dispossessed by the events of this year and we need to build alliances that span beyond politics, we are often presented as ‘single issue’ groups but if you examine even briefly our single issues they all add up to wanting equality. This is a fight for that equality, it isn’t about right or left anymore.

Let’s just be clear the first black president who set an utter watermark for decent politics is to leave the office for a man who flaunts his power and who talks about building walls, who talks about grabbing pussy. How devastating.

 

Sophia Forum – Statement on PrEP

Women seen but not heard in the PrEP debate

Over three days of the social media dialogue over PrEP women were mentioned under 6% of the time. It seems incredibly sexist that the PrEP debate is being framed around an acceptance that it is only men that can take choose to take risks.

Why does the debate accept that all men;  gay men, bisexual men and trans men take risks but not women?

Somehow there appears to be little space to even consider the notion that women may also be risk takers. When women say ‘We should be part of this debate because we too are risk takers, we too are drug takers, we too enjoy casual sex’, somehow these words are not heard.

It weakens the PrEP case not to include the widest possible range of groups that will benefit from PrEP. It weakens the debate to not hear or see women. People are so caught up in the very righteous fight for PrEP that they are not stopping to consider that risk is risk regardless of who is taking it.

No one group’s risk should be placed above another. It makes no equitable sense nor is it safe to do so.  Like anal sex or drugs, risks are enjoyed across the board. But according to the current dialogue apparently women do none of these things; we have safe sex and take few if any drugs. With this attitude you could be forgiven for thinking that we were in 1916 not 2016.

In some debates the contraceptive pill is seen as the trade-off women get for men having PrEP, it allowed our sexual liberation and now they should get theirs. Doesn’t millions of women taking the pill benefit both sexes? Not to mention public health services?

We at the Sophia Forum deplore the use of our ‘hard fought rights which allow women agency but benefit all in society’ to be used in such a flippant manner to structure a moral case for PrEP.

PrEP reduces and even eliminates risk. Providing it across the board is kind, decent and makes economic sense. Prior to the Public Health England Decision on PrEP Sophia Forum were happy to add our voices to a united fight for PrEP but in the aftermath we have seen women fall almost completely off the radar.

Sophia Forum wholeheartedly supports the introduction of PrEP but we feel we cannot stand by and watch as women are denied the right to own their own risk. PrEP should be made available as quickly as possible to everyone at risk from getting HIV. We do not need to qualify that statement comparatively.

When it comes down to it can you imagine a world where someone is denied a nicotine patch because they’re a woman?

The Sophia Forum Board

Memory Sachikonye (Co-chair), Lynda Shentall (Co-chair), Emma Bell, Susan Bewley, Kath Charters, Felicity Daly, Rachel Ekiring, Juno Roche, Jacqui Stevenson, Sophie Strachan

ENDS

Contact details:

Juno Roche: Email address: juno@justjuno.com

NOTES TO EDITORS

Social media analysis

Scanning social media (UK references within our networks) for a three day block to try to identify and analyse the mentions of PrEP the following was clear:

PrEP &Gay men PrEP &MSM PrEP &Women PrEP &Trans Women PrEP &Trans men
Monday     08/08/16 37 2 0 1 0
Tuesday     09/08/16 23 0 1 2 0
Wednesday  10/08/16 15 1 0 1 1
Totals 75 mentions 3 mentions 1 mention 4 mentions 1 mention

 

This is not conclusive and only a selection looking at Twitter and Facebook feeds on relevant pages

About Sophia Forum

Sophia Forum promotes and advocates the rights, health, welfare and dignity of women living with HIV through research, raising awareness and influencing policy.

They do this through:

  • Developing and delivering our advocacy programme
  • Bringing together information and research on the issues affecting women living with HIV
  • Creating partnerships with organisations and individuals delivering services
  • Building relationships with policy makers

Sophia Forum makes sure that women living with HIV are meaningfully involved in all their work.

Many current Sophia Forum supporters are individuals active in development, research, health and HIV charities. Others contribute their experience in business, law and education.

Sophia Forum are part of the UNAIDS Global Coalition on Women and AIDS and their work covers women living with HIV in the UK and around the world.

Find out more at www.sophiaforum.net / @SophiaForum

 

We’re back here again

A response to the British events on Friday the 24th June, a day called Independence.

 

I want to have words, words that mean something and words that matter. But I feel slightly hopeless on this morning that we start to break away from the world  to become an isolated small island.

But I have a confession, I feel hopeless because my whole family voted to leave, not only my family but their friends and their friend’s friends.  I feel hopeless because for the past, at least forty years, I have been trying to argue against their streams of inbuilt racism and xenophobia and their notion that at one point Britain was good because it was defined by the Empire.

I have failed. Most of them are over 50 and most of the over 50s and certainly the over 65s voted to leave Europe.  I failed then, back in the 70s, and I’ve failed now.

I have always had a single, simple tenet , that you should only talk about the stuff and the people that you know rather than talking about whole groups of people or making vast generalisations. For example don’t talk about the Arabs or poor people or people on benefit or people who work in banks. Talk specifics because that way you have some control over the impact of your words and you can be held responsible for the stuff that you say.

But my central tenet failed to shift people’s minds, the spectre of Enoch Powell’s vile warnings I fear holds much more sway. But this isn’t about my failure,  it is about a collective failure to get people to be kinder.  People, often the poorest, are still willingly swallowing the pup that ‘others’, the ‘even poorer others’, are to blame. People struggling are told, coached and forced to look down and blame the space beneath them, it is a very human frailty that needs to identify and ostracise weakness.

Lower wages, people who don’t yet have the language, people who are forced to work in the black economy and people who are fleeing conflicts and civil structures that threaten the very fabric of their lives. A gay men fleeing  persecution from any number of countries, a family from Syria whose whole town has been decimated and who are terrified on a daily basis of the men we call ISIS.

It is these people whom we have been taught are the enemy.

I, as a trans HIV positive ex-drug user have spent much of my life being seen as the enemy, someone to shout at, spit at, abuse and disenfranchise.  Someone who wasn’t worthy to sit at the table, someone who should be shipped off to an island (drug addicts and people with AIDS). I get that feeling of being  pushed outside by no fault of your own and being kept outside because structural doors close in your face. It’s no wonder at times the kindness of a dealer seemed worth chasing. Being talked about like you are dirty or like you are ruining the pretty patina of society is so damaging. So damaging.

In one foul swoop we have sent out this message to the rest of Europe, to people from foreign lands, to people who saw us as and our country as a brave new world and as a sanctuary, to them we have sent out the  message that we don’t want you, we are better than you and to avoid you we are willing to cut off our nose to spite our green, rolling face.

Blair said ‘Education, Education, Education and built schools.

Farage said  ‘Immigration, Immigration, Immigration and destroyed truth.

And not just any immigrants, a long line of brown faces, brown immigrants,  the irony is that most people from Eastern Europe have white faces but then that doesn’t tap into the long held fears of the British about ‘those people out there, you know the ones we stole from time and time again in Africa and India  coming here to take from us. We owe them nothing, what’s the chip on the shoulder for and why don’t they make their own countries work, why the bloody famines.’

That’s the fear that Farage wanted, him like an insipid, fag waving King Canute, the great white hope holding back the stream of ‘brown others’  behind him, trying to push their way in and ruin our lands.

Its insidious, yet I can hear my family debate this as a real thing. Never mind the data about Polish net contributions to our economy or the great successes of immigrant children in our schools, universities and jobs or just the bloody marvel of living in a land where diversity is something wondrous to behold and celebrate. Never mind the young bodies washed up on the shores of Europe, people terrified of war and bombs and limbs blown asunder.

The apple -pie  image that Farage seeks  is one harking back to days gone past, it’s Thatcher with her handbag and set hair,  the pantomime’ Iron Lady’ destroying the fabric of the working class, it’s  Trump bleating about erecting walls and trying to rally America back to a dystopian time where spies seek out commies, and blacks and whites know their places.

It is backwards-looking to a time that was built on fears, the fears of others that aren’t like us. It’s funny I’ve read a few things where ‘moderate’ people have said ‘let’s see what happens’ ‘no one will be able to take away the things, the rights we have won’. It leaves me flabbergasted. Our histories are littered with examples of freedoms won, lost, stolen, removed, extinguished and stamped on.

Do you really imagine that the people who fear immigrants will support trans kids at school having rights? Do you really imagine that those people care about the independent living fund for people with disabilities and do you really think those people, if push comes to shove. will care about you? Are you their kind of people, in my experience we can never be right enough. Since writing and talking about being HIV and my drug past I have lost almost half of my work. Despite my glossy hair and even glossier handbag and shoes I’m just not enough like them to be part of the pack.

No this path is a fool’s errand, it leads only to isolation and further fears. This exit from Europe is a mark of the worse of the English; an utter fear of everything across the sea, it’s as if the Age of Enlightenment never happened.

It’s our chip on the shoulder after all.

 

Why Did I flee?

When the EU Referendum began I decided that I had to sell my house in London and move away, I ended up in the mountains in Southern Spain, in the middle of nowhere.

 

I live in a small, very small farming village which survives because of collectivism. Water, harvest and the work is carried out cooperatively and often fruits are shared. I frequently find bags on my doorstep and have become good at making a range of jams and chutneys. The harvest is sold at agreed standard prices and these apply across the board. There are no richer or poorer farmers. Fiestas are always a time of celebration.

I didn’t end up here though because of some strange, but wonderful, middle class desire to live off the land,  far from it,  I adore shopping and still spend far too much of far too little in Duty Free coming back to work in London. I didn’t end up here because of some romantic notion of meeting a beautiful Spanish person and like Ms Durrell ending up married and rescued.

I am HIV, transgender and I don’t believe in fairy stories or pray. It can be tough being here and feeling ‘other’,  it can be tough feeling ill here and being isolated. I’m a very long term thriver with HIV and that means I’ve been on very strong drugs for many years so life generally knackers me out now. I reel from bouts of oral  thrush, ulcers and different infections  to just feeling exhausted. But every day I thank my lucky stars that I am alive. I walk in the mountains close my eyes and feel the sun on my face. It sometimes makes me cry good tears, happy tears, content tears, Joni Mitchell tears.

But I didn’t sell up and come over for the mountains or the great collective-collection of fruit. Nor did I come here looking to join an ‘expat’ community. In my local area there are very few English people, it’s old and Spanish and intensely quiet.

Nor did I come here for the quiet but I relish it every minute of every day.

No I came here because I was running away, I was running away from the rising feeling of racism in England. From the tensions that were being stoked by the rich-press, by the far right and by the moderate left. By the ‘everyman & everywoman’ in the street, by the people worse affected and the people not affected at all. I was running away from my family and friends and colleagues. I was running away from anyone who talked about wanting England to be great again, about blaming groups of people, the Polish, the immigrants, the migrants, the Eastern Europeans, the Africans.

I was running away from them all, because I couldn’t stop pleading with them to stop talking about groups of people as if they knew them, or blaming groups of people for the inequality in England whilst arranging a street party for the Queen. I couldn’t live as part of a society that at its core is rotten but constantly seeks to blame others.

I couldn’t believe in Punk as a reaction when these structures had followed.

I was raised in a typical working class white British family who had aspirations but felt these aspirations were fragile and could be taken away at any minute by someone with more or someone with less. It’s a peculiar British trait borne out of a ‘small island mentality that insists that to survive you must be bigger than the biggest, that you must own as much of the world as possible but stay deep within your green and promised land. It is an impossible feat that the working class have had to burden for many years. As the rich fly to every corner of the globe taking, stealing, borrowing and gloating the poor are told that they should beware of the ‘foreigner’ coming to get them.

We even did it with the American soldiers during the Second World War. I was raised in the late sixties and seventies with sayings such as –

“Overpaid, oversexed and over here,” our closest ally seen as a sexual danger in our rolling bucolic lands.

I was raised by a father who thought he knew best about Africa and Africans despite having never been there or knowing an African. The seventies were littered with people who knew how best the world should be run and were still mourning the loss of the Great British Empire. We were still taught it at school.

The Great Britons;  Richard the Lion heart, the Bulldog Spirit, Boudica the Great Warrior Queen and of course Churchill.

When I was at school lots of our teachers were ex-army, ex-Second World War Heroes. My history teacher was revered in our school because he’d flown  a Spitfire.

We were told, even as the lights went out and we read by candlelight that the problem ‘wasn’t us it was them’, the foreign them. I remember (much to my humour now) seeing Germaine Greer on television, on one of our three channels, when I witnessed my families reaction to her ‘otherness’ I felt akin to someone for the first time in my life. Ironically Germaine saved this trans women from being drowned in a sea of British Imperialist thought.

But that was the 1970s. The 80s felt almost the same and the 90s, although by then my personal had overtaken the political and I found myself ‘othered’ by ‘otherness’ and selling what I could of my personal to pay for an addiction to drugs.

Over the past few years I have felt horrified, depressed, intensely saddened and shocked at the re-emergence of a language defined by isolationism, xenophobia and racism. I felt that somehow the rise of groups like UKIP would only be a splinter and a fractious reaction to a clash of embittered right and left politics that just doesn’t fit anymore, maybe it is.

But it’s grown worldwide, fascism and dumb imperialism, from ISIS to Trump to Farage. From Briton First to the Evangelic Far Right groups across the globe,  politics is becoming defined by hatred and blame like it used to be in the fucking bad old days.  I’m old enough to remember signs in pubs saying NO BLACKS, NO GYPSIES, I’m old enough to remember people defining ‘whiteness’ as a goal, as a pinnacle of aspiration.

And there is an acceptance of this position now dressed up as ordinary people feeling ‘shut out’ and ‘forgotten’ by society. And poor people have been. By the rich and the ruling classes and mainly by men.

When I left England I felt weak, I felt like I the campaigner was running away, at that point I had no idea how the debate would escalate but I felt that the tide of hatred was rising and that I was tired of people telling me that I didn’t understand, that I was an idealist, that I was unpatriotic, that because I was different that I couldn’t understand and that because I was HIV I should be grateful for all that my country had done for me through the NHS and that I should be scared that the immigrants would run the NHS into the ground and leave me ill.

I was just really angry that governments and pharma companies weren’t making drugs cheaper and more available, I was pissed off at notions of profit and capital build up that meant people could die when drugs were available.

I found myself literally worn out.

I left because a hopeful, bright England I had always tried to love was again becoming consumed by racial hatred driven by a few men who are seldom affected by politics because they are rich and rich people have money-freedom. I am left feeling guilty because I should have had the strength to stay and keep fighting and arguing but I’ll be honest it feels like a lost cause and I felt like I needed to have a sanctuary.

This past week we have seen crimes, murder, mass murder committed across our world borne out of isolationist fears that ‘others’ will take over. Meanwhile the very people who caused all of this – Farage with his absurd smoking and Trump with his spiteful plans for a wall are getting off scot-free because their narrative, the one we allowed to be created, one of ‘telling it like it is’ is no different to other insidious past narratives that pit people against people under the guise of seeking to balance and redress truth.  They are spiteful men who are creating reams of hatred and anger, frequently in the most dispossessed but there cannot be an excuse anymore, we should have learnt and we should know better.

UKIP and other far right groups should not be able to exist in a just society.

Response to the Morning Star

It is disappointing to have to write this article responding to the very people who I wanted call my allies, my comrades and sisters. Yet here I am again defending an entire community against those who don’t recognise their own privilege and who choose to ignore the mountain of a struggle trans women have had to endure to reach self-actualisation. Let me start by making a positive statement that hasn’t ever been printed in this publication. Trans women ARE women. That’s it, end of story.  And in the interests of balance I am responding to the points made by Jennifer Duncan in her article published a few weeks ago.

“Women are not oppressed based on our identities, we are oppressed on the basis of our      female biology – a fact that is being erased by transgender politics. The concept of gender identity is being enshrined into law in several countries now, giving new legal protections to transgender people on the basis of their identities.”JD

This is a massive statement to make whilst around the world many thousands of trans women are suffering abuse, discrimination, death and state-sanctioned bullying. We are not trying to erase anyone or anything, we just want to breath, meanwhile you are desperate to erase us. And furthermore your highlighting of this almost questions its validity, should we be banned as in many countries? Would that make you happier?

In the United States, the Obama administration recently signed a declaration that all public schools in the country must recognise the gender identity of their students. Canada has recently announced new legal protections for transgender people. In Britain, there is interest growing in allowing people to legally define their own gender. As a person on the political left and as a member of the LGBT community, I am expected to applaud these changes to legislation, but instead I am critical.”JD

Please, please don’t hide behind an abuse of a ‘left wing position’. It’s passive aggressive to call-up a politically moral space (historically) to hide a weak position. My mum always said ‘speak about you, speak from you’. It’s amazing to see this righteousness hanging it’s hat up with right wing extremists worldwide to erase us.

This is because the concept of gender identity is poorly defined, and the politics of transgenderism is harmful to women and girls and rooted in individualism rather than collective action. The NHS defines gender identity in the following way: Biological sex is assigned at birth, depending on the appearance of the genitals. Gender identity is the gender that a person ‘identifies’ with or feels themselves to be. While biological sex and gender identity are the same for most people, this isn’t the case for everyone. For example, some people may have the anatomy of a man, but identify themselves as a woman, while others may not feel they’re definitively either male or female. This is typical of definitions of gender identity offered by other organisations. The concept of gender is not precisely defined, but we are to understand that gender identity is the individual’s feeling of being either a man, a woman, or neither of these. The problem with this is that male and female aren’t feelings — these words refer to the two reproductive functions of mammalian species: those who produce sperm which can fertilise ova, and those who produce ova and can bear young.”JD

I’m wondering if this isn’t some sort of parody, is this actually serious? Are you in charge of all women and do all women fit into one collective box/action? If only that were the case then many thousands of women worldwide would be hooked into the sisterhood and not into slave labour or fixed marriages, or back street abortions. Again your privilege allows you to actually believe that trans people are somehow lone wolves. It’s incredibly spiteful.

And not only that, I suppose now you’ve hit us with the staggering science then we are back to the 1970s and defined as mad, bad, both or somewhere in between. Again don’t hide behind the finest veil of science. Are infertile women still women, are intersex people men or women, is a man without a penis a man. The permutations of male and female are staggering yet again we have a person reducing us to reproduction and reproduction only. Of course reproduction and biological bodies are part of gender but there are millions of exceptions to this and I doubt that all women would appreciate you defining them by their ovaries.

When someone has a gender identity, that means they believe their sex to be the opposite of what their physical anatomy is, or that they are neither sex. The belief that one is the opposite sex is often called gender dysphoria, which is a discomfort and anxiety directed toward the body and its sexed characteristics. Some people with gender dysphoria wish to alter their bodies to reflect the appearance of the sexed body they feel they should have. There is no conclusive research on why some people are deeply unhappy with their bodies, but self-reporting, such as videos and articles created by people who are transitioning, gives us clues as to where their unhappiness is coming from.”JD

A little bit more science and a nod to our unhappiness. Actually Jennifer most trans people who are supported to transition so that they feel more aligned are incredibly happy and contented, you could learn something from them.

When transgender people talk about how they knew they were trans, they often report identifying with the stereotypical behaviour and appearance of the opposite sex, such as boys who wanted to play with dolls and wear dresses, and girls who wanted to wear baggy clothes and cut their hair short. The strong identification with characteristics they are taught don’t belong to them leads them to conclude they must have a “boy’s brain in a girl’s body” or vice versa.

Oh dear lord, what twaddle. My female role models; mum, gran, sister, aunties were strong women with careers, I was surrounded by women who wore wellies and rode big horses and dug the garden over. My sister hated dolls, we played with frogs and toads and when we played hairdressers we created ‘punk cuts’. A good deal of my trans sisters work and play in utterly gender neutral jobs/roles and I never ever thought I had a gendered brain,  I just knew that when asked as an 8 year old that I wanted to be a mum. Not a mum with pink pigtails, or a mum who skipped down the lane but a mum who worked and a mum who loved reading with her children. But for the sake of your piddling argument you reduce us to the most banal of stereotypes. They’re not in our heads but in yours.

Feminists have given the name “gender roles” to the collection of traits and behaviours that are assigned to men and women based on our reproductive role. Some people are deeply uncomfortable with the role they are given, and there are two major ways of dealing with this discomfort — one way is collectively working to change society so that these roles will be abolished, and the other way is changing the self in order to better survive the system that is in place. If it were simply a matter of a few rare individuals having sex-reassignment surgery to deal with overwhelming feelings of dysphoria, this wouldn’t likely have any effect on society.” JD

Research shows that 19% of all trans women are HIV positive and there is not a single piece of funding to address this, mainly because of attitudes like yours that we are not authentic and in some way we are not worthy then of legislation or funding or having a collective part in the role of women and society. Your patronising behaviour towards us ‘if it were just a few’, is staggering when you claim ‘left wing morality and left wing conscience’. Would you rather unhappy people remain isolated and unhappy (suicide rates way up, bullying endemic), what are you scared of. As a feminist I feel part of the need to ensure the safety of women’s spaces but you have to hear me when I say that a woman with a penis is no threat to you, she is not a man.

One of the issues for women is the loss of sex-segregated spaces, such as public bathrooms and changing rooms. When bathroom use is based only on a subjective belief that one is a woman, this effectively allows men to claim a gender identity and enter women’s spaces any time they want to.

There are already many North American schools and recreation centres allowing males to enter female spaces because of their “gender identity,” and this is causing distress for women, who do not feel safe undressing in front of strange men.”JD

This statement is horrendous, and I almost can’t bring myself to reply, here you really are just talking out of ignorance, how many women have told you they are feeling distress? Really I want to see your evidence for trying to create such harm. Back to my mum’s saying, ‘talk about yourself and the stuff you know, the stuff you really know’. I know that I had to use men’s toilets for a great chunk of my life, I hated it so much so that sometimes I would hold it in for the whole day until I was in agony. This is a common experience for trans people, especially young trans kids. I knew at 8 by the way.

In transgender politics, the physical anatomy of the body can be reinterpreted based on the subjective identity that one has — for example, a male body can be referred to as a female body if the man has a gender identity as a woman, and vice versa. This is a problem for women and girls because our female biology makes us vulnerable to men, regardless of how we identify. Seeing a man in a private, female-only space such as a locker room is uncomfortable for women, regardless of how strongly he feels about his gender identity.” JD

So now you give us the collectivism of politics, I thought we ‘acted alone’, as individuals but now to suit your point you bring us together in a political movement. Talk about moving the goal posts!

I agree that violence against women is usually and in most reported cases carried out by men, its disgusting. But you again reduce all women to a silly notion of size and body strength and this is your claim to trans-danger? Does that mean that I as a small, quite weak trans women with a vagina am not a danger?

Is this about height and upper body strength and therefore does it apply to strong women? Your point is facile on one level and comic on another if it weren’t for the fact that men hurt women and sometimes these men are small and physically weak. Your reductive train of thought eliminates the real violence against women and girls that we abhor.

In the United States, “bathroom bills” are causing major clashes between those who want to protect the identity of transgender people and those who want to protect the privacy of women in female-only spaces.” JD

Really major clashes? Are you honestly siding with the fundamental right wing in the Southern states? Oh how the ‘left’ have flown!

Women are not oppressed based on our identities, we are oppressed on the basis of our female biology; for example, in situations where our fertility is controlled by men (in forced marriage, laws against abortion, etc) and in situations where we are sexually exploited (in human trafficking, rape and incest, etc). These human rights abuses do not occur because of our “identity” as women, but because men know that we are female and they have the power to use our female reproductive systems for their sexual pleasure and to create their offspring.”JD

Why do we need to stop the fights above, certainly in my HIV work we fight alongside each other as women fighting structural and repugnant exploitation of women, all women. Why do you find this such an obstacle? The narrowness of your focus is actually pretty damming to us all.

If people can simply decide to be the opposite sex, then a material analysis of women’s oppression cannot be done. Men who commit violent crimes against women can be recorded legally as women due to gender identity laws, which obscures the statistics on which sex is really committing those crimes, and violent males who are imprisoned can be imprisoned with other women, making incarcerated women vulnerable, because transwomen cannot be named as males. Without being able to name humans as male or female, women have no hope of being able to protect ourselves from the crimes men commit against us.”JD

Honestly this is trumped up nonsense, I am legally a woman therefore if I committed a crime it would be recorded as a woman but it would still be the crime. There is no evidence base to back up what you are saying anywhere. It’s terrifying that you a ‘left wing feminist’ think that I should be locked up in a men’s prison, it’s not just unkind it’s actually bloody stupid. Is the abuse and rape of a trans woman a left wing stance, a collective vision? Society is changing, our understanding of gender is growing more elegant by the day but it seems you are stuck in a version of gender that isn’t going to help any of us move on. As a woman I am calling out your prejudice and naming it as transphobic and misogynistic.

It is important to stay away from individualism and remain focused on class analysis, especially for those of us on the left.” JD

The left and class are riddled with as much deficit when it comes to equality as anywhere else, your causal use of statements like ‘class analysis’ is shockingly outmoded and outdated. Trans women are the most vulnerable group in terms of violence anywhere, not only that but their crimes are more often than not unsolved. But you focus on class. You need to check your privilege.

Eliminating oppression based on gender roles will not be achieved by a few individuals changing themselves to fit into a different role — collective action is needed to dismantle the gender system.” JD

Then allow us to join you, we all see gender rigidity as a bad thing, no one wins, it’s a lose lose game. Historically trans women  had to play terribly binary roles to get past cis male gatekeepers, yes the same ones that ruin your lives ruin ours. But that’s changing, we are freer now to express ourselves authentically without having to prove our ‘womanhood’ or ‘femininity’. History will show that you were not helping to dismantle gender but ironically by linking with the fundamental far right you are shoring up the boundaries.

Thank you for listening.

Juno Roche

 

My anger, my apology

 

Recently I’ve written a couple of pieces that I feel contain real truths but I’ve written them from a place of vulnerability which I have tried to hide with angry opposition. I have called out Gay men, LGBT History Month and a plethora of others.

Why?

I haven’t slept well for the past couple of nights thinking about it.

As a campaigner informed by her own experiences I think I have handled this one quite badly. I think that there are several  reasons. Being transgender and HIV positive can be a really isolating place and I have experienced so much crap that putting some of it into words bought a whole lot more to the surface, I wasn’t even aware how much.

I wasn’t aware how much I would think about my friend who died of an overdose who scored and tricked with me every day when we needed money. I wasn’t aware that I still had tears for them, that the chaos at the time didn’t allow me to cry.

I read a line about a book just about to come out which included the words ‘straitjacket’, it resonated. Drug addiction or addiction of any kind doesn’t allow you the time to feel, to grieve or to mourn. You are tied up by your own lack of access to your emotions. I never cried for my friend. I didn’t realise how sad that made me. Carrying tears around.

I never had time to cry for myself. My sister visited a while ago, we had a huge argument, she cried and said to me ‘have your tear ducts dried up?’

That made me feel very sad.

I wasn’t aware quite how much the isolation of being trans and HIV had affected me, until I wrote it down. Rather than processing my pain I think I lashed out to hide it, I’m truly sorry for that.

There is inequality and I do want all people to stand up for all people but we do not need to oppose each other to do that. I fell into my own emotive well.

Being trans and HIV has defined so much of me. I remember prior to surgery thinking that having a vagina could really change my life but then I remembered that I was HIV positive. Being an HIV positive women seems, from collective experience definitely seems, to place you, me, right back at the edges of society. Out of reach. Out of touch.

I realised when I couldn’t sleep that I missed being touched.

I realised that I envied gay men their collective access to things such as ‘safe undetectable viral load’ on dating & sex apps.  My viral load has  been undetectable for 10 odd years and my CD4 at over 500 for too many years to remember and if it meant that I could have intimacy I’d shout that from the rooftops. But in my community it seems to count for so very little. My lack of risk doesn’t translate into intimacy.

I envy the community that gay men have around HIV and AIDS. The structures and systems, the smiles.

I envy that freedom. I wish somehow my life wasn’t the way it was, it wish it had been easy and I suppose if I am truthful I feel embarrassed by some of my past. I’m not sure my experiences selling sex to buy drugs left me with any happy memories but I’d like to openly share the memory of when I found out about my friend, which I should have done rather than setting up oppositions. I was never told were they buried and I never said goodbye.

‘I never dreamed I’d end up in front of the station agreeing to everything for nothing but a wrap of heroin that didn’t burn. The horrifying moment, with his smell still on your lips, as you watch the brown liquid fizzle into the air.

Noxious, poisonous-chemical. Additives with none of the sustaining high. 

I couldn’t afford to cry I had to get back out there, so I headed back to base camp one – my partner in crime, we kept each other safe with the illusion of safety. I knocked at the door and shouted through

‘Euston calling’, our password.

No answer

‘Euston calling’. I tried again a day later and then everyday for a week.

I had to make do that week with my own  illusion of no illusion, it was scary without them. I’m not a fighter and my world scared me.

I went up again and a voice called out.

“Piss off junkie, your mates dead, he died a week ago and the poor fucking kitten started to chew his finger.”

The kitten, I’d forgotten the kitten.

That sounds hard, I know,  but we accepted that we could/should/might/probably would die.

But the kitten was our soft cuddly piece of normality. It played with our rolled up tin foil, flicking them carelessly across the wooden floor.

The kitten was my surrogate child. The kitten was love and loved. The kittens fur was often wet with our tears from laughter.

 I laughed with my friend an awful lot.

We laughed about trying to get out the door and never making it, we laughed about trying to pay for ads in magazines to sell sex, we laughed and joked that when we got clean we start a cattery and this life would all seem like it never happened.

He was not alone when he died,  he had the kitten with him’.

 

When I talk about the 19% of trans women being HIV, I know that is me, I understand about our collective experiences.  They are not the same, not identical, I know that TWOC are disproportionately affected by HIV and I know that on top of the mound of discrimination and inequality that I face TWOC have racism piled on top. I know I am part of the 19% and I understand now that I do need allies and I understand that I’m not a fighter. I hate being in opposition and this time I created it. I set up an unhelpful dynamic because it felt too vulnerable to admit to feeling the isolation that HIV can bring.

Too vulnerable to admit to feeling alone.

Its all about the numbers

It’s quite lonely being a campaigner (if that’s what I am) who focuses on what it means to be being trans and HIV. It’s lonely because not many people want to engage with me or other trans women who are HIV.

When my focus was on ‘education and trans identities’ people were queuing up to talk and work with me.

People sometimes say, it’s great what you’re doing, but by private message,  I know the stigma of HIV is alive and kicking.

I’m currently trying to carry out some simple research about trans sex lives and safe sex provision and its almost like if people agree to talk to me then they have an association with HIV.

It reminds me of people worrying, in years gone by,  that being seen being close to me, physically or even emotionally, might indicate to others that they were also HIV positive. Being close to me won’t make you HIV positive.

I recognise the silence.

But I don’t understand.

Like I don’t understand the PrEP focus on just MSM and not on all ‘at risk groups’.

Like I don’t understand the ‘Chem sex’ debate focusing  solely on MSM.

As women, trans and cis, we are written out of these debates by sexism and misogyny. Narratives rooted in an almost Victorian sensibility around sex and pleasure. It would seem that no women take drugs and have sex, high risk sex, it would seem that no women need extra support and preventative care in relation to their sexual health.

I was in a meeting recently with a group of women discussing PrEP & Chemsex and between us we had thirty odd years of drug addiction and far too much time spent in sex work to feed that addiction.

We, it seems, can acknowledge our risks.

If you look at funding streams for sexual healthcare it would seem to be  accepted that trans women do not have sex. At least sex that needs any form of risk assessment, i.e. prevention (PrEP).

For far too long as trans women we have accepted a narrative that is punishing and upholds an entirely binary notion of a linear journey to vaginal construction.

 

‘You’ll look real’ they say.

‘But will I feel pleasure’ I reply.

‘You’re HIV’ they say.

‘But will I feel pleasure’ I reply.

I recently conducted a small survey (126 respondents) about Trans women and their vaginas, the outcomes were depressing.

  • Most women had little expectations of surgery or post surgical pleasure. It seems quite often that the awful wait and jumps through hoops to get surgery on the NHS outweigh any real expectations, questions or enquiry. Can you imagine that for any other major surgery?
  • Most women (over 65%) said they had no post surgical sensation and expressed real feelings of sadness and depression over this.
  • A quarter of all respondents said they would have considered a less realistic vagina if it had more sensation which could lead to orgasm.

 

I am not trying to upset any apple carts or trying to remove any notions of ‘passing’ which for many are a matter of life and death but I am saying that we need to start talking about our bodies and about our sex lives.

 

PrEP is about prevention and prevention where society accepts there is risk beyond the accepted condom response. I understand that gay men are still disproportionately affected by HIV (40% of all new infections) but they are not the only high risk group. What about sex workers? What about the trans woman who has very low self esteem and fears a violent response if she asks something of a partner?

What about the woman whose partner is violent?

I do not want to divide groups but I am saying that surely it makes sense to campaign for all ‘at risk’ groups and for all ‘high risk’ groups. Should we still define need by numbers or by risk assessment?

If we look at the figures worldwide then surely we can see that trans women are fighting alone, often in isolation, often rejected by society, often already at risk because of Transphobia, sexism,  and misogyny. Often women, cis and trans end up in emergency care because they were not deemed ‘high risk’ so they didn’t see themselves as ‘high risk’ as HIV was taking hold.

We need to make the case, our case.